Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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