We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
