I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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