I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
