I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
