I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
