the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
