the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
