I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
