3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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