Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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