Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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