I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
