he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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