do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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