if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
