My hand turned me down
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sex on roller skates
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Then you guys just all showered together...?