her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill