I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We need to rekindle our bromance
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.