Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
me + whiskey = a bad person
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom