college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.