I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.