It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
