I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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