Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
