Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
