The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
