The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How does one acquire holy water?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
