38 yer olds are good kisserssss
where does the pee come out of this thing
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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