Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
