you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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