she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
