I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this just has baby written all over it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
