I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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