I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
