Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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