Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
