DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
