Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
