Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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