handjob tips. give me some.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
