Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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