Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
