Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Everclear isn't food dammit
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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