dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
