who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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