I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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