good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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