You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
