remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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