If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
