and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
