Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
