Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
