I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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