I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
