one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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