I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
