I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
