Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
