He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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