By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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