Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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