I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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