i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I came so hard my ears popped.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
