Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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