I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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