Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
