she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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