im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
