I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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